If I Could Speak To That Old Me Now, I’d Remain Silent.

If it's appeared on your life radar, this is why: to teach you that dreams come true, to reveal that you have the power to fix what's broken and heal what hurts; to catapult you beyond seeing with just your physical senses; and to lift the veils that have kept you from seeing that you're already the person you dreamed you'd become.
And believe me, that was one heck of a dream.
-The Universe (Mike Dooley)

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We accept the love we think we deserve. Sometimes we find ourselves in a pattern of the same relationship over and over again. In a series of abusive, negative, toxic, or unfaithful relationships, the common denominator is you. It's not them, it's you.

I've experienced a bit of them all, and I struggled to leave each time. The toxic, the unfaithful, the abusive. The serial cheater, the manipulative, the mindgames, the one that got rough when he drank. Removed from the situation, I'd be the first to tell someone to get out of the experiences I found myself in. I used to wonder why my parents never said anything when they saw me suffering in relationships, but I would I have listened anyway? We have to learn our lessons the hard way. We have to fall hard and hit bottom before we decide to get up on our own and continue on our search for what we want.

We want to be loved
We want to be cherished.
We want to be accepted and understood.

But what if there's a part of us that doesn't believe we can have what we want?

What happens when we find the person that sees us for who we are? Loves us the way we want to be loved? Treats us the way we want to be treated?

Well sometimes... We run. We hide. We make excuses. We sabotage.

I said that I want the one that sees me for me. Who loves me for who I am, not what I am. But for being warm hearted, and family oriented, and emotional, and sensitive, and likely headed in several different places at the same time but grounded in priorities and what's important.

One of the things I'm learning right now is being who I am without having to explain it to anybody, and being able to share myself with someone at the same time. Because I want to be able to share myself with somebody. And I want to find the right person that shows me how.

"Pay attention to what you say you want and what you believe about your ability to have it." - Iyanla Vanzant