In The End, Life Is Surely Only As Good As The Ditches You Wake Up In

"I'm teaching myself to believe in the things I don't understand,
I don't even know if they're true.. but that's what dreamers do"

I'm dealing with some stuff right now that I know is going to be a turning point in my life. I feel better when I look at things that way. To know that in the future, I'll look back on this moment and think "That's when it all turned around." or "That's why I am who I am today". No matter how much things may really really really suck, it's true. I can list at least 3 moments from the last 5 years where this has worked its magic on me.

There is no worse feeling than cold feet. Physically and metaphorically. The best lesson I can relay to you is not to run away, because you always take your heart with you and you’re going to feel it wherever you go. A few months ago I went away for a few days hoping for an escape. I ended up cutting the trip short because it was less comforting to be in a foreign city with no one I knew or at least my own bed to curl up in.

I think my skin has thickened a lot since I moved to Toronto. Exponentially. I used to focus on pleasing others, which hurt me a lot. I wonder who I would be today if I didn't have to put up with the hurt I had earlier in my life. I can honestly say, probably not anything like I am now. I'm in a good place. I like who I am. I love who I am.

I hope you take your own advice and do the things you told me to do. Even the love guru himself needs to stop and listen to the same morals he's been preaching.
"Don't make someone your other half. Don't be 50%. Be 100% with or without them"
In my eyes you're 100%. I hope it doesn't take too long for you to see it too.

Today's Entertainment News

• LAST NIGHT! Did you watch Hope for Haiti or Canada for Haiti?! In less than an hour, Canada raised 2.5 Million. By the end of the night, Canada raised $19 million
• Hope For Haiti: they haven't released exactly how much they raised during the telethon. You can buy the music that was performed on iTunes with all proceeds going to Hope For Haiti
  
  
• The Killers have extended their hiatus and postponed their tour to Asia due to "unforseen circumstances"
• Steven Tyler was seen in a random pub in California doing karaoke to his own song, " Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" I REALLY hope a video of this surfaces
• Jay Leno is booked to be a gust on Oprah on January 28th.

Bye Conan =(

"You Have Such An Intriguing Mind And Interesting Thoughts. I Wonder Where They Come From" She Said, Holding My Brain Up To The Light

I've incorporated a rule into my life that I've followed quite strictly. Its been a rule of balance. Family, Friends, Work. I've followed this rule diligently, always careful to not let one get ahead of the other, and when one seemed to fall behind, sacrifice the time of the other two to make sure the weaker becomes strong again. The results have been astounding. I feel confident calling myself Daughter, Sister, Niece, Cousin, Girlfriend, Best Friend, Leader, Follower, Teacher, Student. I've given myself close to no chance to mess this up. Always staying on track. Focused, determined, assertive, attentive, and very very passionate. Even in the last while, I've learned so much. Knowing when to listen, when to not, when to put my foot down, and when to give a bit more. Anyway, along the way, there was one minor oversight… Me. While I was busy being a daughter to my mother, a friend to my buddies, turning point to my business... I forgot to be me to myself. Don't get me wrong, the system would never work if I didn't have my head on my shoulders. Its much more simple than that... I know how shallow the water is. Why are we still diving then? Can't blame a fool for trying? You sure can. Hold your head up high, it’s the last living sign of any sort of confidence. You don't have to be rich to be my girl, you don't have to be brilliant to pretend to know what you're doing either. Hands up if you can't feel the bottom yet!

There are a million things I should be doing other than what I'm doing right now. A million things that I should be thinking about other than what I'm thinking about right now. But sometimes I feel it's the distractions that are keeping me on track.

I wonder if it's a bad thing that I have no problem picking up and leaving, not worrying about who or what I'm leaving behind.

Sometimes I have these moments where I'm so extremely worried about death. It's so eerie to think that one day you will not be here. How does it end? How does it feel to end? Does anyone actually die in their sleep? What are those last moments like? ...But we try not to think about this very much or we'd drive ourselves crazy with the possibilities and the unknown.

 I had these periods of time where I was so scared that it would happen, and that there were things that I hadn't done and things that I hadn't said. I wrote letters and mailed them off. I can take back the things that I've said but I can't take back the things that I haven't done. I make things right while I still can.

 I've decided how I'm going to go out.... Explosion. Not IN an explosion, I'm just going to explode.

Where do you want to be in 10 years?
Me? ...Everywhere at once.

Today's Entertainment News

• An unauthorized biography written on Oprah is going to be released in April 2010
• Steve Harvey is going to be the new host of Family Feud
• Tonight is the Conan's LAST SHOW :( NBC says he'll be available to start a new TV show in September. On his last show's monologue he apologized to guests he had "scheduled for next week: President Barack Obama, the Pope, the Queen of England, and our good friend Elvis Presley was stopping by because apparently he's alive"
• ALSO tonight is the Hope For Haiti Telethon with pretty much every celebrity you can think of involved. It's going to be a great show, for a great cause. HOWEVER, don't expect to see Kanye West there: "After what he said on the Katrina telethon and the way he behaved at the MTV Video Music Awards, everyone agrees it's just best that he does not participate. Kanye has to make everything about himself. He will do anything to steal the spotlight and, well, this night it's just not about him"