All I Ever Wanted Was A Brain Full Of Ideas, Dangerous And Wrong.

What is being awake if not interpreting our dreams, or dreaming if not interpreting our wake?

Before I get into it, let me just say how awesome it is to have a friend that pulls an all-nighter with me from across the country, texting me corny jokes to keep me company and keep me entertained while I study :)
"What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? ...Juan on Juan"

A friend and I passed notes back and forth in class, the same way I used to in high school. It started out with extremely open ended questions, and vague nonsense answers. Then it evolved into this deep conversation: What happens after you die, why we dream, heaven and hell, life goals, struggles, the significance of struggles, the conflict of settling...

It was probably one of the best note-passing conversations I've ever had.

"If there was a God, He wouldn't let us suffer the way we do".

Wrong. (In my opinion). We are meant to suffer. If there were no struggles, we wouldn't have the relief and happiness and pride when we overcome them. We wouldn't grow because we wouldn't learn from them. There's no way to escape struggle. Even when you reach the top of that mountain you've been climbing, you'll still want to go higher. That being said, it's very important to look around to enjoy and appreciate the scenery every minute of it.

I wonder how many people actually accomplish their goals and dreams in their lifetime. One of my worst fears is settling. But at the same time, its hard to find the courage to let yourself struggle when there's something good in front of you, and you may be letting good things for your life pass you by. It's a risk- thats why we need to find the courage to keep climbing.

It would be a struggle either way. I would struggle to accomplish my dreams, but I would also struggle to accept that I settled for less. I guess just by saying that, I've spelled it out for myself. Don't always go with the safe option just because it's safe.

Be dangerous.

Wear a helmet or something.

Today's Entertainment News

• P-Diddy spent $360,000 on a car for his 16-year-old kid.. so uh, how much did your first car cost?
• Celine Dion may be pregnant again. She recently had a miscarriage a few months ago while trying for their second child.
• John Travolta piloted a plane last night to Haiti with earthquake relief
• CBS renewed Survivor for two more seasons after "Heroes vs Villains" which begins February 11th.
• Jessica Simpson has started a campaign to send 50,000 pairs of shoes to Haiti. http://www.50000shoes.com/
• Justin Timberlake is beginning an eyewear line. Sunglasses and prescription glasses.
• The cast of Jersey Shore showed up at a bar in Jersey this past weekend that could only hold 800...  2000 people showed up. Chaos ensued
• The cast of Jersey Shore may be in trouble for next season. They're bargaining for a raise in their pay but MTV is hesitant to meet their demands.

IN OTHER NEWS,
My dad-- who is more popular with my age group than I am because of his hockey work-- FINALLY got a cell phone. Finally! What year is it?! It's about time! Welcome to the club, pops.
But seriously, its weird when I go to a party and more people know my dad than they know me.

 you too can be a fan of my dad (Reinier "Legendary Moustache" Groeneveld) on facebook.

"You Have Such An Intriguing Mind And Interesting Thoughts. I Wonder Where They Come From" She Said, Holding My Brain Up To The Light

I've incorporated a rule into my life that I've followed quite strictly. Its been a rule of balance. Family, Friends, Work. I've followed this rule diligently, always careful to not let one get ahead of the other, and when one seemed to fall behind, sacrifice the time of the other two to make sure the weaker becomes strong again. The results have been astounding. I feel confident calling myself Daughter, Sister, Niece, Cousin, Girlfriend, Best Friend, Leader, Follower, Teacher, Student. I've given myself close to no chance to mess this up. Always staying on track. Focused, determined, assertive, attentive, and very very passionate. Even in the last while, I've learned so much. Knowing when to listen, when to not, when to put my foot down, and when to give a bit more. Anyway, along the way, there was one minor oversight… Me. While I was busy being a daughter to my mother, a friend to my buddies, turning point to my business... I forgot to be me to myself. Don't get me wrong, the system would never work if I didn't have my head on my shoulders. Its much more simple than that... I know how shallow the water is. Why are we still diving then? Can't blame a fool for trying? You sure can. Hold your head up high, it’s the last living sign of any sort of confidence. You don't have to be rich to be my girl, you don't have to be brilliant to pretend to know what you're doing either. Hands up if you can't feel the bottom yet!

There are a million things I should be doing other than what I'm doing right now. A million things that I should be thinking about other than what I'm thinking about right now. But sometimes I feel it's the distractions that are keeping me on track.

I wonder if it's a bad thing that I have no problem picking up and leaving, not worrying about who or what I'm leaving behind.

Sometimes I have these moments where I'm so extremely worried about death. It's so eerie to think that one day you will not be here. How does it end? How does it feel to end? Does anyone actually die in their sleep? What are those last moments like? ...But we try not to think about this very much or we'd drive ourselves crazy with the possibilities and the unknown.

 I had these periods of time where I was so scared that it would happen, and that there were things that I hadn't done and things that I hadn't said. I wrote letters and mailed them off. I can take back the things that I've said but I can't take back the things that I haven't done. I make things right while I still can.

 I've decided how I'm going to go out.... Explosion. Not IN an explosion, I'm just going to explode.

Where do you want to be in 10 years?
Me? ...Everywhere at once.

Today's Entertainment News

• An unauthorized biography written on Oprah is going to be released in April 2010
• Steve Harvey is going to be the new host of Family Feud
• Tonight is the Conan's LAST SHOW :( NBC says he'll be available to start a new TV show in September. On his last show's monologue he apologized to guests he had "scheduled for next week: President Barack Obama, the Pope, the Queen of England, and our good friend Elvis Presley was stopping by because apparently he's alive"
• ALSO tonight is the Hope For Haiti Telethon with pretty much every celebrity you can think of involved. It's going to be a great show, for a great cause. HOWEVER, don't expect to see Kanye West there: "After what he said on the Katrina telethon and the way he behaved at the MTV Video Music Awards, everyone agrees it's just best that he does not participate. Kanye has to make everything about himself. He will do anything to steal the spotlight and, well, this night it's just not about him"
  

I Want An Indefinitely Long Blank Book and Forever

When it rains, I think about you. I regret not making room for you. Did I really need two of everything aboard when there is only one you?

I haven't heard my mother's voice for over two weeks. I've missed it.
I've even missed her talking to me about things I don't know anything about, and then her asking all the important motherly questions when I try to end the phone call.
"Have you been eating well? Are you wearing mittens when you go outside? Are you studying lots?"
-Mom, I gotta go-
"Are you getting enough sleep? What time did you go to sleep last night? Why aren't you sleeping more?"
-Mom, I really have to go-
"How's the weather? Are you remembering to turn the lights off when you leave the room? Don't waste electricity. Did you call your grandparents? What did you have for supper last night?"
-Mom!!- ..and then she reels me in for a longer phone conversation when she asks about boys. I loooove when she asks about my love life and I love when she gets protective. She says funny things.
"Maybe he should just date dumb girls" or "don't worry, one day you'll get married"
Okay Mom, thanks.

When I miss her the most is when I'm up at 3 am and I'm hungry. She used to make me scrambled eggs at any time of the night when I was little... but now, even if we were living in the same city, same house... I would be put in my place real fast if I woke her up to make me eggs. She doesn't take shit from anybody, and I love that about her.
I'm pretty sure she knows the things that I've ever tried to hide from her throughout my life... How do parents do that? Is there a manual I'll get to read one day about how to read your kids' minds before they admit to things? That's totally my parents. They would know things that I didn't tell them about. EXCEPT they didn't know that in junior high I used to make up my own permission forms for "after-school field trips" just so that I could go out with friends after school. Clever. I mean... don't repeat this kids.

My dad is the most reliable person I have in my life and he has the most patience I've ever seen. I will always be so grateful for how many family dinners he missed, or early mornings he put up with whenever I'd come along and pull on his hand to come play with me. It was never "No Marley, wait until later" or "let me finish eating". Always there anytime I needed him... EXCEPT for at my parents' wedding when I was screaming throughout the whole ceremony for daddy to take me to see the fishies in the pond. Understandable, and I'm so sorry for the chaos. Not my fault you decided to have me before you got married! ...But I suppose if it wasn't for the surprise pregnancy you wouldn't have gotten back together. Again, you're welcome!

Today's Entertainment News

• GLEE will be doing a CONCERT TOUR in select cities!!
• Tara Reid is engaged
• Omarion has been announced as the newest judge for America’s Best Dance Crew
• Tim Burton is releasing a new movie called "Maleficent" which is a version of Sleeping Beauty, told from the villian's perspective
• Pemberton Festival in BC for 2009 is cancelled. Live Nation says that permits were not approved in time to organize the concert.
• Brad Pitt and Matt Damon will be voices in "Happy Feet 2" which will be released in November of 2011, in 3-D. Elijah Wood and Robin Williams will also be returning to their roles that they voiced for the original "Happy Feet"
• Rumors that Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are an item again
• Jennifer Lopez and NEIL PATRICK HARRIS are the next guest stars on GLEE
• Jeff Conaway (Grease, Taxi, Celebrity Rehab) fell down the stairs at his home and suffered a brain hemorrhage, broken hip, broken arm, and fractured neck.
• Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwood and Usher are joining together to perform a tribute to Michael Jackson at this year's Grammys.
• Farrah Abraham (From MTV's "Teen Mom" show) was assaulted by her mother who was then arrested. Earlier in the season the show caught footage of an argument the two were having and the mother struck the teen mother. In an interview she said she would never do that and it was so out of character for her. The police reports from this incident say that the mother had Farrah by the throat and hit her again
• There's currently an auction on E-Bay to meet Scarlett Johansson, with the money going to Oxfam's Haiti Earthquake Response Fund
• Robert Pattinson will be hosting the "Hope For Haiti" telethon, organized by George Clooney
• There are pictures floating around on the internet of Nadya Suleman (Octomom) modelling a bikini... I need to pick up some purelle... for my eyes.
• New song by Taylor Swift from the movie "Valentines Day" called "Today was a Fairytale"

The Future Is Old News

A rare moment. None of the children were screaming, nothing to rush to, money in the bank. He remembered, for an instant, he loved her

I'M SHOOTING MUSIC VIDEO #2 TODAY!!!! =D

My friend Calvin posted this on his facebook and it really made me think. It's clever and somewhat accurate and the whole time had me yelling "OH GOD PLEASE NO"
The Sad Truth About The Typical American Relationship:


George Clooney's "Hope For Haiti" telethon will air on Friday
There will be lots of celebrity appearances/performances: Bono, Sting, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Alicia Keys, just to name a few.

Here's an interesting article about Haiti
"If you believe we are all equal in God's eyes, then what happened to them happened to us too"