Unapologetically Me

The thing about writing...

Writing is isolating. You do it alone. Even if you're writing in a crowded room, you're writing alone. How do you be in the world and also be alone? Be inspired by the world but then also have that alone time to gather and write? Writing takes balance and discipline. It takes that part of your brain that is cranking the gears on the side to work bits and pieces of conversation and daily experience into something you can write about. My brain is always taking notes.

When I started writing was when I learned how beautiful it is to be alone. And how being alone doesn't mean lonely. I love being alone. I love my me-time. I love spending time with myself. It wasn't always that way, but now that I've discovered it... It's a good place to live from. 

Loving yourself enough that you get to choose from the heart rather than from fear. Not staying in a relationship because you're afraid to be alone. Not doing anything that doesn't benefit your life in some way. Choosing to be with people who inspire you, encourage you, make your life better. Having no guilt saying "NO" to the ones who don't. Putting yourself first and being unapologetic about it.

The Art of Letting Go

Basements. Sometimes they are used for storage. Sometimes for extra luxury space in your home. I'm consciously tuning into my deepest darkest corners for the clutter I may be holding on to. The things sitting there that I've forgotten about. The stuff I've pushed to the side with the intention of "getting around to it eventually". The items that I keep thinking I may one day need it, but likely won't ever... My house looks like this too, and I have no doubt that it's a reflection of myself. I moved to this house over a year ago. There are still boxes in the basement waiting to be unpacked. We all have things like these. Again, a reflection. There always seems to be baggage you forgot you had.

In my defense, I have done a lot to make the basement into "extra luxury space" rather than storage, and a lot of the boxes that are left unpacked are because they're waiting for the renovations to be completed, whenever that may be. 

I moved in with my Gido to help take care of him after my Baba passed away, so my home doesn't really feel like "mine". But as long as my Gido is here there is nowhere else I'd rather be. I wouldn't trade hearing his same stories over and over again for anything. Or having to monitor what he puts in the freezer. Or making sure he eats more than just mayonnaise sandwiches every day. Or always living with the scent of Listerine and Apple Cider Vinegar because he believes they are the best home remedies for just about anything.

We are in the process of renovating. We have cleared out enough junk to fill three 5-tonne dumpsters. Sometimes as we are throwing out the junk, Gido stops us and says "wait, don't throw that away"-- pointing at a broken chair. I know he has good intentions. I know he thinks he can fix it and make it better. But that's also how we have enough junk here to fill three dumpsters, thinking he'll one day get to it and mend everything he stored away. But the truth is, you can't fix everything. You can't make everything better. Take what you need, keep what's sentimental, let go of the rest. 

As I clear out space I feel a shift in myself happening. We're in a period of transition with the change of seasons, the transformation of our home, and adjustments in our routines. As I clear out space in my home I feel that space is clearing in my life. Things that no longer serve me are falling away, new experiences are showing up unexpectedly. And then there's this feeling like something else exciting is on it's way. It's like I'm waiting on the platform for a train to arrive but not sure what will greet me. Whatever life brings I know it will be good.

In the meantime... I have another dumpster to fill.

Putting Men On The Moon

I was told a story once, about a group of high level business executives getting a tour of NASA. They were brought to all the special behind the scenes areas, shown the most incredible awe-inspiring technology. They met some of the renowned explorers and inventors who have done such amazing things. An amazing experience to see all of this.

Along their way in the tour, one of the executives struck up a conversation with a janitor he saw sweeping the floors. The businessman said: "What do you do here?"

The man momentarily stopped sweeping, pointed up at the sky and said: "I'm putting men on the moon".

Thinking of this story inspires me so much and makes me think about my leadership in any role I'm in. There is no job that is beneath me. There is not one person that doesn't deserve my attention. Make a positive impact on every single person.

Say "hello", say "good job", say "thank you!"

And In Dreams We Listened Closely...

Last night I had a dream with my cousin.
I had been talking about her just the other night and wished I would have a dream of her again soon. Shortly after she died I had several dreams of her. It feels amazing to hear her voice and see her again.

Sure enough, in my dream last night I found us taking an art class together. She's an amazing artist. I thought it was funny that here we were, sitting at two blank canvases together. She told me that she would come to me in my dreams to help me begin therapy to heal me since she's passed, and that she would teach me. I asked, "What do you mean? What will you teach me?" 

And as she started to tell me, I was jolted awake by the sound of my Grandfather's emergency button being activated. He wears an alert bracelet with a button he can press in the event of an emergency to call for help. This has only happened once before in July, when I arrived home to ambulances flashing outside of my house. A moment of pure panic. I yelled, woke up Wayne, bolted out of bed, burst out the door... to silence. The alarm wasn't going off. Gido was fine. He was sleeping. If anything the only sound I could hear was his snoring.

I dreamed up the emergency alarm too.

What will she teach me?!!!

My last letter from her - A quote from Storybook People