I'd Asked For A Fairytale Romance. In My Defense, I'd Never Actually Read Any Actual Fairy Tales.

[6/6] And if the man who once upon a time had been the boy who promised he'd never fall in love with another girl as long as he lived, he kept his promise. It wasn't because he was stubborn, or even loyal. He couldn't help it. And having hidden for three and a half years, hiding his love for a son who didn't know he existed didn't seem unthinkable. Not if it was what the only woman he would ever love needed him to do. After all, what does it mean for a man to hide one more thing when he has vanished completely?

I receive texts in the middle of the night from friends who wake up with nursery rhymes/childhood songs stuck in their head, which I've put there.

If you ever need someone to tell you nursery rhymes, or give you ridiculous Disney trivia, I'm your girl. Or childhood sing-a-long songs, that would also be me. I had a good childhood filled with fictional characters who took up the majority of my time and imagination.

Along with waking up to texts with childhood song lyrics, it's also become a trend to be woken up  by phone calls from my crying girlfriends, because of their boyfriends who have time and time again, done them wrong.

We're shown at a young age from disney movies and fairytales that Prince Charming is out there somewhere and we'll find him if we're patient enough. Maybe somewhere along the line we get tired of waiting and we settle for less. Maybe we stop believing that he's real and we decide that Joe Schmo will have to do.

Screw that.

Find a man that will kiss your flaws and makes you feel safe. And beautiful.

Kids say the darndest things!! Here's a video of my 6 year old cousin asking me if I'm pregnant (Which I am not!!) and then us discussing what kind of person one should marry:


Today's Entertainment News

• Very sad day. Marie Osmond's teenage son committed suicide. He left a note explaining his intent due to his life-long battle with depression, before jumping from his Los Angeles apartment.
• Jim Carrey is a grandfather! His daughter Jane gave birth to a boy named Jackson
• Aretha Franklin has a new album coming out soon titled: "Aretha Franklin: Falling out of Love"
• Daniel Radcliffe filmed a Public Service Announcement for The Trevor Project, the leading organization focusing on suicide prevention efforts among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth
• The Shamu show at SeaWorld is resuming after one of the trainers was killed after working with one of the Orca Whales
• Tiger Woods' apology from last week has been chopped up and placed into remixes, available online. One offering is called "Ke$ha vs. Tiger I'm So Sorry (Blah, Blah, Blah)." Another features Robin Thicke's song "Sex Therapy"
• U2's tour leads Billboard's 2010 Money Makers list, earning more than $108 million in 2009.Bruce Springsteen is second with $57 million and Madonna follows with $47 million. AC/DC and Britney Spears round out the top 5 with $43 and $38 million, respectively
• Seth Green is engaged to his model girlfriend, Clare Grant
• Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney from The Bachelor got married this past weekend. It will air on Monday March 8th 8-10ET/PT on ABC

In The Most Important Moment Of His Life, He Had Chosen The Wrong Sentence.

[5/6]The man who had become invisible stood in her living room listening to all of this. He was twenty-five years old. He had changed so much since he last saw her and now part of him wanted to laugh a hard, cold laugh. She gave him a small photograph of the boy, who was now five. Her hand was shaking. She said: "you stopped writing. I thought you were dead". He looked at the photograph of the boy who would grow to look like him, who, although the man didn't know it then, would go to college, fall in love, fall out of love, become a famous writer. They stood for a long time in silence as he stared at the picture. At last he managed three words. "Come with me". The sound of children shouting came from the stree below. She squeezed her eyes shut. "Come with me" he said, holding out his hand. Tears rolled own her face. Three times he asked her. She shook her head. "I can't," she said. She looked down at the floor. "Please" she said. And so he did the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life: he picked up his hat and walked away...

Before my emotions get ahead of me, before my lips take action of moving faster than my brain, I have a moment where my whole mind shakes. It affects my vision and it affects my breathing. It is a physical warning to think about what I say before I say it. Sometimes I listen to this warning, sometimes I don't.

And sometimes when the words come out, time stops after they are voiced. I stand there in awe. And silence. Not in regret, but wishing I had a pen and paper to write those words down so I could keep them forever.

I've always been a fan of this song by Savage Garden...
Is this version more or less romantic? You be the judge:

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Alone In A Crowded Room

[4/6]Once upon a time, the woman who had been a girl got on a boat to America and threw up the whole way, not because she was seasick but because she was pregnant. When she found out, she wrote to the boy. Every day she waited for a letter from him, but none came. She got bigger and bigger. She tried to hide it so she wouldn't lose her job at the dress factory where she worked. A few weeks before the baby was born, she got news from someone who heard they were killing Jews in Poland. "Where?" she asked, but no one knew where. She stopped going to work. She couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. After a week, the son of her boss came to see her. He brought her food to eat, and put a bouqet of flowers in a case by her bed. When he found out she was pregnant, he called a midwife. A baby boy was born. One day the girl sat up in bed and saw the son of her boss rocking her child in the sunlight. A few months later, she agreed to marry him. Two years later she had another child...

When you move away, people get used to life without you.

I've been packing up and throwing away things in my room. When they write my obituary, tomorrow, or the next day, it will say: MARLEY GROENEVELD IS SURVIVED BY A BEDROOM FULL OF SHIT

Funny, I saw my cousin yesterday, which I mentioned in yesterday's blog post. She gave a me a book of Pablo Neruda's poems, which I also mentioned yesterday. Law of attraction. Yes!

Nothing Makes Me Happier and Nothing Makes Me Sadder Than You.

My brother and I used to play a game. I'd point to a chair. "THIS IS NOT A CHAIR" I'd say. He would point to a table. "THIS IS NOT A TABLE." "THIS IS NOT A WALL." I'd say. "THAT IS NOT A CEILING." We'd go on like that. "IT IS NOT RAINING OUT." "MY SHOE IS NOT UNTIED." He would yell. I'd point to my elbow. "THIS IS NOT A SCRAPE." He would lift his knee. "THIS IS ALSO NOT A SCRAPE" "THAT IS NOT A KETTLE!" "NOT A CUP!" "NOT A SPOON!" "NOT DIRTY DISHES!" We denied whole rooms, years, weathers. Once, at the peak of our shouting, he took a deep breath. At the top of his lungs he shrieked "I! HAVE NOT! BEEN! UNHAPPY! MY WHOLE! LIFE!"

"...But you're only seven." I said.

I Am A Revisionist. Life Was Never Different Than This. Life Was Never Better

[3/6]Once upon a time a man who had become invisible arrived in America. He'd spent three and a half years hiding, mostly in trees, but also in cracks, cellars, holes. Then it was over. The Russian tanks rolled in. For six months he lived in a Displaced Persons camp. He got word to his cousin who was a locksmith in America. In his head, he practiced over and over the only words he knew in English. Knee. Elbow. Ear. Finally his papers came through. He took a train to a boat, and after a week he arrived in New York Harbor. A cool day in November. Folded in his hand was the address of the girl. That night he lay awake on the floor of his cousin's room. The radiator clanged and hissed, but he was grateful for the warmth. In the morning his cousin explained to him three times how to take the subway to Brooklyn. He bought a bunch of roses but they wilted because though his cousin had explained the way three times he still got lost. At last he found the place. Only as his finger pressed the doorbell did the thought cross his mind that perhaps he should have called. She opened the door. She wore a blue scarf over her hair. He could hear the broadcast of a ball game through the neighbour's wall...

Last night was the kind of night that if I were at home in Toronto, I would have comforted myself with wine and Walter Matthau.I'm very happy with the environment and home I've created for myself in Toronto, and I miss it already.

I let things fall apart last night. It was the kind of night where the only person I needed was Joe Kanee but felt too ashamed to reach out. I broke down a little bit. Breakdowns are necessary once in a while. For those moments, however long they may be, everything comes to a halt. You pick apart your life, piece by piece and break everything you have in your mind to the smallest fragments possible. Maybe you go absolutely nuts. You're allowed to do this! You know why? Because after a breakdown there's nothing left to do but build it back up again.

You put the pieces back together. Maybe in a different order than they were before, but regardless, they come together. Maybe upon review you find there were some extra unnecessary pieces that you didn't need, so you leave them out. Maybe you find some other ones to join the structure for support and stability. Maybe for extra color and aesthetics.

Its possible I cried. Whats the difference. For every little thing possible. Just to get it all out, all in one teary, head pounding, heart racing, raspy throated, shot. For how far away I am. For how frustrating packing is. For the extra pounds of stuff I have to bring back from moving out of my room in Edmonton. For the frustration of having nowhere to put said stuff in Toronto. For the feelings I haven't put a name to for moving out of my bedroom where I grew up and how its being demolished and turned into office space. For how sleep deprived I am and its my own fault. For going back to school and the irony of feeling like an actress, pretending (for the most part) to like what I'm doing when what I really want to be doing is working and attending auditions.
Want to know how it ended? Abruptly. Like an ADD moment.
"Holy shit when was the last time I got lost in some Pablo Neruda words?"
So then I googled Pablo Neruda (my favorite poet), read his work, calmed down, and fell asleep with my laptop.

Delicious. 

I went to visit my highschool yesterday. I sat down with my old guidance counselor. I began seeing her in grade 11 when I had anxiety issues with math class, and it grew into a relationship where we'd talk about anything and everything. I sat down in her office just like old times, and although we were just catching up, I felt like she was analyzing me as she used to. I loved it. She put things I was feeling into words I couldn't come up with on my own.

We talked about my new life and new home in Toronto. My new friends, my new circle, and how it took me so long- even though I am an outgoing person- to open up to them. It was my way of protecting myself, because I've learned that the more of yourself that you give away, the more there is to be used against you. I realize this isn't a good way to look at potential friendships, but there are some things I just can't avoid. These are the ways I cope.

This is one of my favorite pictures in the whole world. It brings back so many memories. There's a whole dream in this one image. One hazy, wonderful dream. This is me and my cousin at our grandparents' farm. Whispering secrets. Confiding in each other. Talking about things that wouldn't possibly make sense to anyone else. This is how we always were.

I get to see her today :)

Today's Entertainment News

• New Britney Spears album released in June
• Charlie Sheen has checked into rehab for "preventative measures" and will be taking a break from the filming of "Two and a Half Men"
• John Mayer pulled an 11 year old fan on stage who had a sign saying "Please let me play 'Belief' with you". The boy played the guitar with John Mayer for the whole song and at the end, Mayer told the boy to keep the guitar
• Conan O'Brien has joined twitter: "Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me"

The Opposite Of Disappearing

[2/6]Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl whose father was shrewd enough to scrounge all the zloty he had to send his youngest daughter to America. At first she refused to go, but the boy also knew enough to insist, swearing on his life that he'd earn some money and find a way to follow her. So she left. He got a job in the nearest city, working as a janitor in a hospital. At night he stayed up writing his book. He sent her a letter into which he'd copied eleven chapters in tiny handwriting. He wasn't even sure the mail would get through. He saved all of the money he could. one day he was laid off. No one said why. He returned home. In the summer of 1941, the Einsatzgruppen drove deeper east, killing hundreds of thousands of Jews. On a bright, hot day in July, they entered Slonim. At that hour, the boy happened to be lying on his back in the woods thinking about the girl. You could say it was his love for her that saved him. In the years that followed, the boy became a man, who became invisible. In this way, he escaped death...

Hi!
Does your life suck?
Nothing goes your way?
Is the entire world conspiring to make your life miserable?

NO IT ISN'T!
There's something making your life miserable but it's not the world.
IT'S YOU!

But don't worry! I've unlocked the secret to changing your life!
The secret to changing your life is to change yourself!
And the secret to changing yourself is to pretend that you've already changed.
And to do that you just need to lie to yourself and believe it long enough for it to be true!

You need to be able to say...
I AM GREAT
I AM DANGEROUS
You think you can keep up with me world?
WELL YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE I'M TOO DAMN FANTASTIC!

My first full day back in Edmonton. I went to the dentist. I went to a psychic. I ate soup with BFF. I worked out with said BFF until I was shaking and also craving chocolate badly. I went home and got my chocolate fix. I convinced a friend to drive me to St. Albert to surprise another BFF, Roma Sobieski, who is one day going to save the world. I brought her flowers and chocolate and homemade puffed wheat squares and we talked about our lives. I went to see Shutter Island which blew my mind.. more than finding out that Tuesdays means free popcorn at the theatre. I'm easy to please.

Edmonton-Marley is almost in full-blown effect, which means returning to Toronto-Marley is going to be a challenge, possibly painful, but as always, life changing. The recovery period is different every time.
Mama didn't come through with McDonalds breakfast yesterday morning. But she did come through with giant strawberries and a giant jar of nutella. I've forgotten all about groceries in bulk and large sizes!!! Toronto, what you've done to me!!!

PS, Did you know that when a person is tickled, their brain response is actually a form of panic? This makes so much sense to me. And gives me a huge feeling of nostalgia. I'm also craving cheezies.

I CANT STOP EATING!

The greatest commercial I have ever seen:
"Anything is possible when your man smells like old spice and not a lady. I'm on a horse"

All I Want is Not To Die On A Day I Went Unseen

[1/6]Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering. When they were ten he asked her to marry him. When they were eleven he kissed her for the first time. When they were thirteen they got into a fight and for three weeks they didn't talk. When they were fifteen she showed him the scar on her left breast. Their love was a secret they told no one. He promised her he would never love another girl as long as he lived. "What if I die?" she asked. "Even then" he said. For her sixteenth birthday he gave her an English dictionary and together they learned the words. "What's this?" he'd ask, tracing his index finger around her ankle, and she'd look it up. "And this?" he'd ask, kissing her elbow. "Elbow! What kind of word is that?" and then he'd lick it, making her giggle. "What about this?" he asked, touching the soft skin behind her ear. "I don't know," she said, turning off the flashlight and rolling over, with a sigh, onto her back. When they were seventeen they made love for the first time, on a bed of straw in a shed. Later-- when things happened that they could never have imagined-- she wrote him a letter that said: "When will you learn that there isn't a word for everything?"...

I'm back in Edmonton! It's really nice to be here. I've never had so many people laugh at my own jokes WITH me. I suppose I will answer how my flight was.. I still don't like that question. [see here] I still think you're obligated to say "It was good". Dry stuff. Small talk. Let's stop making small talk.

I'm not afraid of flying, but I'm a little bit scared of landing. When the plane is descending I think of all the things that could happen between the ground and however thousands of feet in the air I happen to be. I imagine what I'd say in a final text message or phone call:
I was calm. And I loved you so so much.

I'm home now. And my Christmas tree is still up. And my mom is telling me to start thinking of where I'm going to put all of my stuff from my bedroom. I have so much stuff. So many keepsakes and collectibles. I don't want to put things in boxes. Just the thought makes me so sad! So sad!

Today's Entertainment News

• Jay Leno reclaiming his spot on The Tonight Show: his first guests will be Sarah Palin, Lindsay Vonn, and Jamie Foxx
• Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol Palin, is making her acting debut on the show: "Secret Life of An American Teenager"
• Dick Cheney hospitalized for chest pains
• Adrian Pasdar (Heroes) charged with DUI
• Obama biography to be released in April, written by New Yorker editor and Pulitzer Prize-winning author David Remnick
• Shutter Island made 40.2 million in its first weekend at the box offices
• Cast of Glee to perform for the Obama's at the White House Easter Egg Roll 

The History Of Love

A part of you was drawn to her, and a part of you resisted-- wanting to ride off on your bicycle, kick a stone, remain uncomplicated. In the same breath you felt the strength of a man, and a self-pity that made you feel small and hurt. Part of you thought: "Please don't look at me. If you don't, I can still turn away." And part of you thought: "Look at me."

If you remember the first time you saw Alma, you also remember the last. She was shaking her head. Or disappearing across a field. Or through your window. "Come back, Alma!" you shouted. "Come back! Come back!"
But she didn't.

And though you were grown up by then, you felt as lost as a child. And though your pride was broken, you felt as vast as your love for her. She was gone, and all that was left was the space where you'd grown around her, like a tree that grows around a fence.

For a long time, it remained hollow. Years, maybe. And when at last it was filled again, you knew that the new love you felt for a woman would have been impossible without Alma. If it weren't for her, there would never have been an empty space, or the need to fill it.

Of course there are certain cases in which the boy in question refuses to stop shouting at the top of his lungs for Alma. Stages a hunger strike. Pleads. Fills a book with his love. Carries on until she has no choice but to come back. Every time she tries to leave, knowing it's what has to be done, the boy stops her, begging like a fool. And so she always returns, no matter how often she leaves or how far she goes, appearing soundlessly behind him and covering his eyes with her hands, spoiling him for anyone who could ever come after her.

Comedy Made Short: Monday February 22nd

Home Is Wherever I Happen To Be

My heart is weak and unreliable. When I go, it will be my heart. I try to burden it as little as possible. If something is going to have an impact, I direct it elsewhere. My gut for example, or my lungs, which might seize up for a moment but have never yet failed to take another breath.

A perfect world:
Ipods would never die. Musicians always say the words you can't. Mascara never runs, and the tears that do fall have a purpose. New years kisses happen in the same timezone. Flights and airports don't always create distance. Phone calls and goodnight texts aren't secrets. And a glass of wine will cure anything: heartache, insomnia, writers block... or all of the above.

This is not the beginning (A) and we're nowhere near the end (Z). This is just how I get from J to K.

I know if I were to die tomorrow, my family would say that I was caring, ambitious, and loved to laugh... even though 90% of the time, it's at my own jokes... Which you tease me for, but deep down you find it endearing? Maybe a little bit?
Whateva, you're just jealous. It's not a bad thing that I can keep myself entertained. If you really think about it, it's like a superpower to never be bored. And laughing lots = killer abs. Yep.

It's Monday and there will be a new sketch from Comedy Made Short out today!

You should Become a fan of Comedy Made Short on facebook!
And then follow us on http://www.twitter.com/comedymadeshort
Oh, and suscribe to our channel on youtube if you haven't already!
I am so proud to be a part of this =D

Also... I'm going to Edmonton today!!!

Today's Entertainment News

• Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie are engaged! 
• Ryan Phillipe and Abbie Cornish have broken up
• Dave Annable and Odette Yustman engaged
• Lady Gaga endorsing a line of condoms- they are orange, bright green, and animal print
• If you're involved in the Twitter scene you may be familiar with "Shit My Dad Says" - a twitter account completely based on a young man's father's quotes. This man is HILARIOUS. William Shatner is set to star in a pilot based on "Shit my dad says"
• Meryl Streep is going to deliver the commencement speech at Barnard College
• Betty White officially signed on to host an episode of Saturday Night Live

Check out my man crush, Shia Labeouf in Wall Street 2

Living In A Nightmare Is The Best Part Of My Day, Indeed.

Trying is lying. There is no such thing as trying. You do it or you don't. You get results in life or you have excuses why you didn't. When people say, 'I'll try,' they usually mean, 'I'm not going to do it now'

Sometimes, just before my nightmares become nightmares, it feels like I understand. So when I wake up, all sweating and jumpy, I feel like I've misplaced something, and I sit there frustrated, trying to think past the dark, or the relentlessness.

There's something about my dishwasher that soothes me to sleep. It's the loudest friggen thing, but somehow the swishing around of water and the plates that I carelessly threw in that are now clunking together, really relaxes me. I used to have a humidifier that I didn't even need, but the noise helped me not to get distracted in my late night thoughts. It was really old and huge, and sounded like a garborator - even though I only just recently found out what a garborator is. Maybe next time I have trouble sleeping I'll turn on the dishwasher and go sleep on the couch.

Theres a baby bottle of milk and a few sticks of dynamite in my purse, which means that today I'm filming with Comedy Made Short. And then I'll be packing to head back home to Edmonton :)
I'm so excited to see my family and best friends. I'm really looking forward to arriving at the airport, walking out those doors and... waiting for my mom to show up at the airport because she's never on time for these things. But I will have a heart full of joy when I get into the car and see mcdonalds breakfast on the passenger seat waiting for me. And if I'm lucky, a thermos full of milk. mmm :)

Amazing.

I Can Forgive You For Leaving, But Not For Coming Back

We were quiet on the car ride home. I turned on the radio and found a station playing "Hey Jude". It was true, I didn't want to make it bad. I wanted to take the sad song and make it better. I just didn't know how.

Do you have people in your life that you cannot forgive?
I don't have a grudge, it's just that I don't have respect.

We're told that it's harmful to not be able to forgive someone. But what if it's more harmful to have that person in your life? Where do you draw the line? Teach me.

HERE'S THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR THE LATENCY: FORK IN THE ROAD
(In the scene by the lockers and the soccer girls, I'm one of the three "glam girls". I'm wearing yellow)

I Don't Know Half Of What I Know, And I Am Grateful For That

If you are always miserable, at least you know where you stand. My problem is when im happy, I'm too happy. I'm clutching the string of a helium balloon. Manny's crying, "Jump, jump!" but I never do because I have no sense of distance. I can't see how high off the ground I am and what a long way down the real world is. I wouldn't say that my emotions are extreme. I'd say they are committed. My moods are the equivalent of Madonna's dancing: innapropriate but all-out. If i'm going to be sad, I might as well be the saddest a girl can get. And if I'm happy, I want to be the happiest. The trouble is, I feel highs so ecstatic that just being normal feels like a thousand-mile drop and being unhappy is excruciating

Today is friday! ...At least I hope today is Friday. Yesterday was Thursday, so if today isn't Friday, then something is very wrong. Very wrong!

Holy schnikes!! I'm finished 1/3rd of my post secondary education!! What am I going to do with myself?!

It's amazing to not have any exams to study for (or at least pretend to study for) or assignments/papers to write! We had our final exam for pharmacology this morning and the night before an exam always seems harder than the exam itself. I'm generally very calm when it comes to exams, but I find myself more and more coaching Tiffany to pick herself up off the floor and stop stressing. I've decided to take a new approach. When she gets panicky, telling me that she's going to fail, I've started to say "Yep, you are. You're F#*!ed.". Honestly, Tiffany has one of the highest averages in our class. Reverse psychology won't hurt.

It suddenly hit me that I am exhausted.

I am now going to sleep for a million years and wake up tomorrow morning.

Today's Entertainment News

• JayZ is involved in a racial controversey after the security at his Brit Awards afterparty reportedly banned white people
• Aerosmith's lead singer, Steven Tyler will be returning to the stage this summer with the band... no more Home Depot performances?
• Alexisonfire concert in Vancouver ended abruptly when a barricade collapsed, injuring 20 people
• Adam Lambert got upset with a fan at his show who was on the phone. "You're not watching tv honey,  this is a live show"
• Chris Brown appeared in court to report to the Judge on his progress while serving probation. He was sentenced with 5 years probation and 6 months community service.
• Pamela Anderson is in talks to join Dancing With The Stars. Contestants for this season of DWTS will be announced after the finale of The Bachelor
• Jennifer Hudson is the newest celebrity to join the "Got Milk?" campaign. ...I want to do that!

Extremely Loud. Incredibly Close

Stuck between channels my thoughts all quit.
I thought about them too much, allowed them to touch
The feelings that rained down on the plains all dried and cracked..
waiting for things that never came

I gave away my absolute favorite book. Every sentence is a tangent, and I love this because I know that I have my moments where my mind is too. One thing about giving away a book that means so much to you is that you don't know if the person will interpret it the same way. I like to read to people. When you read to someone you help them to see the story the way you do. This one is slow and perfect and wets my eyes every time. Makes me want to call my mother. If I read to you I hope you'll be right there with me in a way you might not be if you read it on your own.

If you were to ask me what I'm thinking about that keeps me up at night, I couldn't tell you. So I'm going to start to take note of the things I think of before I go to sleep.

Last night's pre-sleep thoughts:

"Daughter to Father" by Lindsay Lohan may actually be the worst music video of all time. When was the last time My Chemical Romance came out with an album? I wonder when death comes, if it comes in the form of their fondest memory, like the lead singer of MCR says. I wonder if I get up early enough tomorrow if I could afford to waste some time watching music videos and the disney channel. I hope John wins an award. I want to go tandem bungee jumping. I'd be scared to knock heads at the bottom. That's not very romantic. I really hope Vienna doesn't win the bachelor this season. I wonder if I would ever go on a show like the Bachelor. Probably not. I hope Joe hears from the U of T soon and moves to Toronto. Shit, I have to pack up my room when I get back to Edmonton. Where the shit am I going to put my shit? If that theory of death and your fondest memory is true, what's my fondest memory? That's a lot to choose from. Maybe something with my grandparents. I miss when I used to sleep over there and my grandmother would make me a bedtime snack and then let me lay down with my head in her lap while she brushed my hair. My mom isn't very affectionate. Is it too late to change this? I hope I get to go on vacation soon. Somewhere warm. Maybe my mom and I can steal a dozen cookies from a buffet again. Dang, we're so badass. Is Kyle one or two syllables? Kyle? Ky-ull? I don't think I know many Kyle's. I wish I could rap. I'd be a badass rapper. There are some things I regret as I get older, I guess. There are a ton of traditional ways to be badass, and I missed the boat. But that's okay. It just means I have to be more creative. Catherine hasn't taught me any more Arabic words recently since I learned my numbers. I guess numbers were a lot to take in.

Somewhere along these lines, I finally fell asleep.

Today's Entertainment News

• Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, was reunited with his dog who was missing for three weeks.
• Tiger Woods press conference tomorrow to speak about the incidents that happened in November and make a public apology

Lover's Trust- No Money Down

I've started to take disasters as good omens, like the death card in tarot decks. I've started to read the newspaper like people read chicken bones. Like somewhere in the mess you can tell the future.Where did they find her body? On the second floor? Don't invest in anynew business opportunities this week. A bomb went off in the subway north of the main line, not south. That's a good sign. The death count was an odd number. Now is the time for a new love in your life.

I ate cake for the first time in a long time. When I was younger, I went to my cousin's birthday party in a playground, ate cake, and then went on the tire swing. And then threw up. This is why I haven't really eaten cake since. We're all guilty of that, aren't we? Letting past experiences ruin the good things we could be enjoying from our present? I'm not just talking about food.

My cousins used to tickle me until I threw up, and I'd always throw up cheezies. Somehow I still really like cheezies- probably because it's a very important thing between me and my grandparents (who mean the world to me). We now have a "safe word" for when I can't handle being tickled anymore.

Edmonton, I apologize. I changed my flight. I'm coming home on Monday now instead of Saturday. I hope you can forgive me for delaying our reunion.

Free Falling

I'm about one more song, and one drink, and one more smile away from asking if I can call you to keep you up at night.

I'm 4 days away from being finished a third of my post secondary education. I'm 4 days away from being back in the arms of my family and best friends in Edmonton. I'm 4 days away from being a new kind of homesick, and missing Toronto. In 4 days I will be on a plane again, rethinking my life and writing it all down, anticipating the warm moments with my family and friends who I won't see again for another 6 months after this vacation is over. I wonder if I'll find sleeping easier on the other side of the country. I'd really like to sleep through the night for once, and not wake up aching. It's really taking its toll on me. One day, if I break down and start crying in pain, its because I'm exhausted and my body hates me. (Dear Tiffany, this is what you have to look forward to. xo!)

My mom is very excited for me to come home. Everytime I talk to her on the phone she tells me how much she's looking forward to me packing up my room and officially moving out. She's knocking down the walls of my bedroom and turning everything into a big open room/hallway where she can put her office. This stresses me out, but I don't have time to be stressed out. I suppose that I never have time to be stressed out, so I will continue to ignore it.

My mother is one of the most clear headed people I know. It makes me wonder how I became so scatterbrained, and I'm certain- no, I'm positive- that she asks herself the same thing. Something will seem overwhelming to me, just crushing and frustrating and my mother will break it into its parts and show me that it isn't anything. Also, it was my mother who first introduced me to rap music. She sounds nice, doesn't she?

My mother could kick your ass, though, make no mistake. I love her very much.

Here's this week's Comedy Made Short:


Today's Entertainment News

• Rumors of Leonardo DiCaprio engaged are false. 
• Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden, however, ARE engaged

I Couldn't Invent You

"I don't want people to figure me out"
"I've figured you out"
"I'd let you figure me out"
"In that case, I haven't figured you out"

The universe is a funny thing. It works exactly how you need it to, even if you don't know how you need it to. It makes you learn things the hard way, and doesn't give you what you really really want until you're absolutely ready for it. I have no secrets. There is not one person who knows all of my secrets but all of my secrets know at least one person. Lately I've been experiencing moments that are filling me and emptying me at the same time. I've been having a lot of contradicting moments lately. When was the last time I cried? When was the last time I had to ask myself when the last time I cried was? This is a good thing. I may cry about it. I love those moments where you feel a breakthrough coming. The wheels are turning and my words cannot come out fast enough. If there was a soundtrack the music would be swelling and building up.

Love at first sight. Acquired love. Suppressed love.
I will always be deathly afraid of falling.
Out of trees, out of love, and out of touch.

I saw myself on TV this morning. Much Music played the "Fork in the road" music video by The Latency. It was exciting.

Today's Entertainment News

• Kevin Smith (AKA, silent Bob) was asked to step off a Southwest airlines plane because he was too large for his seat
• Celine has a concert movie being released in theatres for a limited time to show one of her concerts and behind the scenes of her life. "Celine: Through the Eyes of the World" released next week
• Production of the the TV series, 24, was stopped after Keifer Sutherland suffered from a ruptured cyst. He has a surgery scheduled and filming should resume shortly
• Heidi Montag is going to do playboy again.
• An interior designer is suing Anderson Cooper after she fell 17 feet down a hole in an old fire station that Anderson Cooper is converting into his new home. The fire pole that once jutted from the hole had been removed, but the hole purportedly remained uncovered

Good Luck All Of You, Finding Love Wherever You Look or Don't Look For It

Happy Valentines day!!! Although, according to the catholic church, it isn't really Saint Valentine who can get you hooked up at midnight, it's Saint Raphael. Saint Valentine is good at passing notes though, I think I feel a connection to him.

John Mayer is playing a concert tonight in Toronto. This is an amazing way to spend valentines day. Just the right combination of romance and heartbreak. I'm also going to Ajax today to film with Comedy Made Short. This sketch is so funny!

I hope your day is filled with appreciation, love, warm hugs, and heart-shaped candies with sexual innuendos on them.

We Share a Popular Disease

If I am electrocuted to death tomorrow, the first thing I'm going to do in the next life is learn to kiss all over again. I don't know what my actual first kiss was, but that isn't important. It's the first kiss that you can REMEMBER that's important, I think, and mine was wonderful. Well, it was something, anyway. I'm never going to tell that story. When I am electrocuted to death tomorrow, after I get over the surprise, that's the first thing on my to-do list for the afterlife. I'm going to learn to kiss. Or maybe I'll spend some time holding hands first. I don't know. Maybe I won't remember anything and it'll all be new. I won't have a to-do list. Things like holding hands and kissing will just sneak up on me

Let me be subtle here. The right words are coming to my lips a lot easier, my attention span is decreasing, there's an extra toothbrush in my bathroom, and I'm smiling more than ever.

I've realized that I have a thing for ruining potential affectionate/intimate moments with friends by throwing in some kind of cliche line or quoting lyrics or movies. These days, you can have intimate moments via anything. Text message and facebook especially. Intimate moments in person are harder to come by, I think. Anyway, I was having one of these inspirational uplifting talks with Matt Zhou about how good life is and how our friendship has grown, yaddayaddayadda... to which I ended the series of texts with "Live long and prosper"

I think in that moment I just did it to be funny, but sometimes I do it when I get nervous. Apparently I have strange ways of coping with being nervous. My vocal coach called me out on this the other day. When I get nervous or awkward I hold my hands together. I've been doing this for years, and I know I've been doing it but haven't put a name to it. I even remember in dance class when I was younger, or in rehearsals for the theatre productions I was in, my teachers/directors kept telling me to stop holding my hands. It's my coping mechanism. I can't help it.

The music video for "Fork In The Road" by The Latency is out!! I'll post it here the second it hits youtube, but for now you can watch it on muchmusic.com! I have no more than a 10 second appearance but I'm pretty excited! The first thing I did was call Joe all the way in Arizona and I watched him via skype, watching the music video. I'm sure he got a little teary-eyed and then I heard the usual inspirational speech. He's wonderful and I appreciate him so much.

Today's Entertainment News
Is it true that Wayne Gretzky lit the olympic flame? I definitely polished off a bottle and a bit of wine last night before going out so I totally missed it! Did he deke out the protesters the same way he'd deke out defenseman? Does that image make sense in words the same way it makes sense in my head?

• Madonna is set to be on a Reality TV show called "The Marriage Ref" where she will judge warring couples.
• Rumors of a Beyonce concert in Brazil ending early because of gunshots are false

Everybody Likes A Rollercoaster Ride...

I'd like to be a note, the kind you could sing but don't because you're shy.
That way I'll live inside your throat and hang from every word you spoke

Fridays come every week! Or, they have so far anyway. That is one of the things which make Friday so awesome. They're so reliable. I cannot tell you how much it means to me for something to be reliable! Anyway, today is Friday, and you should enjoy it while you can, because soon enough it'll be Saturday again and you'll have missed it! Everything is changing. I am living in a new city and I want to write something terrible and violent and beautiful. I don't miss my home. I am having trouble expressing how I feel.

Weekend. I can allow my heart to beat as fast as it can again. I can put on my high heels for a fancy night out again. I can drink wine in excessive amounts again. I can film with my wonderful Comedy Made Short cast again. Oh, and it's also Valentines Day on Sunday. I've been listening to "Two is Better Than One" by Boys Like Girls featuring Taylor Swift on repeat, and I don't hate it yet.

Weekend. Show me some love.

MARK JUNE 18TH IN YOUR CALENDARS!!! TOY STORY 3!


Today's Entertainment News

• Arnold Schwarzenegger to carry the Olympic Torch at 7 am this morning!
• The Ellen DeGeneres show has been signed on for 3 more years! 
• Bill Clinton is being hospitalized for a heart condition
• Alec Baldwin also in the hospital but released after an hour. Reports say that his daughter worriedly called authorities after a phone conversation with her dad in which he said: "I'm tired of this. I'm going to take some pills. I'm going to end this,". He was released after an hour and took no alcohol or pills
• Alexander McQueen, famous fashion designer, was found dead in his London home. Police have not released an official report with the cause of death, but representatives say it appears to be suicide.

A Vision That Is Honest, But Incomplete

I want to come from love. And I want to do it all the time. I can’t expect it to always look the same though. I remember a friend saying that God loved his daughter enough to say no – something he had a hard time with. Sometimes love says, “no this doesn’t work for me.” Sometimes love walks away, because staying would conflict with loving and being true to who we are. And, staying would make it very difficult to come from love”
-- Jan Denise

Have you ever felt like a tree reaching with its only leaf for its only beam of light? I hope so. It's much better to have a heart full of angst and ambition than happiness and complacency.

My closest relationships are the strangest ones. Long distance, secret, and unconventional. I feel closer to the people that are long-distance, than I feel with the people next door. Tucson, Edmonton, Vancouver, Kingston, Montreal, Paris. Isn't the courageous thing about being free, being able to cast off everything you love? It is easy enough for someone who is not neurotic (though few of us are not neurotic) to cast off whatever they do not love. But love makes prisoners of us all.

Do tears for different reasons have different chemical compositions? That would be interesting, wouldn't it?

Today's Entertainment News

• Oh Johnny, what have you done? In a recent interview, John Mayer talked very openly about his previous sex life with Jessica Simpson, calling her "Sexual Napalm" and says that she is like crack cocaine to him. He also dropped an N-bomb and is under harsh criticism for it.
• Celine Dion will be returning to her Las Vegas stage in March for 3 more years.
• Molly Shannon has landed a recurring role on "Glee"
• It's been announced that the next Spiderman movie will be in 3D. Not really a big surprise.
•  Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga have created a lipstick through Mac's VivaGlam campaign to benefit the MAC AIDs fund. Gaga’s is a “bubble-gummy pink” and Cyndi’s is a “light coral red"

Sharpen Your Teeth. Sink Into Me.

She said, 'Believe it or not, I used to be idealistic'. I asked her what 'idealistic' meant.
'It means you live by what you think is right.'
'You don't do that anymore?'
'There are questions I don't ask anymore.'"

Let's talk about fears.

I'm not afraid of spiders. I'm not afraid of snakes. I'm not afraid of flying.

Come on, if you're going to be afraid of something let's make it worth while. I understand these are real fears, but let's dig deeper.

As I was trying to pin-point my insecurities, I realized that my insecurities are based on my fears. I'm afraid of divorce rates. I'm afraid of C-sections. I'm afraid of the ground falling out from beneath my feet.

If you don't know what's holding you back, how can you get past it? Now that I've realized that this is what I was afraid of, I can unlock my knees, stand up tall, and let go of the edge that was keeping me stable and holding me in place. Face it like a man ...you know what I mean.

Tell me your fears. Please.

Today's Entertainment News

• Tom Cruise has signed on to star in and produce Mission Impossible 4
• Lil Wayne's prison sentence has been delayed so he can get some dental work done. The rapper has a cracked tooth which requires surgery, so he is being allowed time for the surgery and time to recover before being put behind bars.
• Ellen DeGeneres had her first night as the new judge on American Idol last night, did you watch?

A Boy Made Out Of Love Note Post-Its

What are you doing reading my blog right now? Don't you know its free Grand Slam breakfasts day at Denny's?!! All Tuesday, from 6 AM to 2 PM. Well come on, you silly goose! Get going! You're welcome! xoxo

If you're reading this too late or you're stuck at work then I guess you'll have to accept the consolation prize of reading my blog. Lucky you! Cause I have nothing very exciting to talk about today! Oh sure, I have lots of deeply written drafts saved up for you, but they're all emotional and I'm not feeling emotional today. I've got joy in my heart and lemonade in my belly. Life's okay!

My mom called/emailed me a few times yesterday and said she's worried about me. I feel bad for letting her worry because I'm sure I get my own worrying habits from her and its not good- don't ever let me worry. But I'm almost a little flattered too. Its a much different change of pace from her than "I don't even miss you" or "I don't want you to come home so I can change your room into an office!" (Jokes!)

But fo'realzies. Nothing to worry about here. School is good, I'm very happy with my acting work right now, sleeping comes and goes, and I had a date with a pretty hot guy! Oh, and I'm eating well. ...kind of.

I'm going back to Edmonton for a visit in just under two weeks. I'm so excited to go back and see my family, my grandparents, and be with my best friends again- Nothing against my Toronto-BFF's. I will miss you too. It always takes me a while for me to recover from Edmonton-Marley back to Toronto-Marley. Am I a sucker for punishment? Why yes. Yes I am. Third time's a charm.

Today's Entertainment News

• America's Next Top Model- André Leon Talley has signed on to be a judge for 3 more seasons
• Kate Gosselin releasing her third book called: "I just want you to know"
• Kanye West walked out of a restaurant in NYC this weekend without paying his bill. He was upset that he had been waiting for his meal for half an hour. He ordered the Peking Duck which states on the menu that it takes 45 mins to prepare.

And here's the first in a series of funny Lady Gaga referenced pictures I can't stop laughing at:

Meet Me Half Way

Where did you find that smile? And where did you learn to use it on me like that?

If I ever love again, I will not wait to love as best I can. We thought we were young and that there would be time to love well sometime in the future. This is a terrible way to think. It is no way to live, to wait to love.

I don’t mean like a roman candle fireworks, hollywood hot pink love. I mean like “My god, you’re BACK!!” love

Superbowl Sunday. I have two exams tomorrow and I have never been more interested in football.

Today's Entertainment News

• Jon Cryer, from Two And A Half Men, is set to be a guest on Hannah Montana as Emily Osment's dad... what? Why?
• Justin Timberlake was honored as the Hasty Pudding Pot Man Of The Year on Friday at Harvard University
• Sandra Bullock took home the American Riviera Award which recognizes an actor who has had a strong influence on American cinema

I Wish I Could Quit You

My jeans are ripped. My zebra heels are scuffed. My head is hurting.
I'm suffering the effects of a Friday night.

Happy Saturday. Are you as accidentally hung over as I am? Tiffany is a good roomate/hairstylist/handyman/dental hygienist/mother figure/friend/bartender. She made me drinks as I got ready to go out last night. 5 parts alcohol, 1 part mix. It hit me pretty quick.

I shouldn't have gone out last night, but I did. It was a university healthcare providers party, and I skipped the last few and my classmates don't know me very well, so I figured I could afford a night out. For all they know, I'm some girl that shows up (sometimes) for class and leaves at every chance to blog or for acting opportunities... So it was a lot of fun to get to know these girls. Thanks to Diana for saving me from the chiropractor who kept following me around asking: "What's your backround? Are you sure you're not Italian? Seriously? You have to be Italian. You're definitely Italian. No? You're not Italian?"

I promise you, I'm not Italian.

(Tetyana wants you to live long and prosper?)

Today's Entertainment News

• Gerard Butler is auctioning off a date with him. Single ladies...?
• Taylor Lautner has signed on to star in a film based on the 80's toy "Stretch Armstrong"
• Sheryl Crow set to join the cast of Cougartown
• Michael Jackson's doctor has been charged with Involuntary Manslaughter

I Think We Should Stop Making Small Talk

I went to a tattoo parlor and had YES written onto the palm of my left hand, and NO onto my right palm. What can I say? It hasn't made my life wonderful, its made life possible. When I rub my hands against each other in the middle of winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO. When I clap my hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and NO. I signify "book" by peeling open my hands. Every book, for me, is the balance of YES and NO, even this one, my last one. Especially this one. Does it break my heart? Of course. Every moment of every day. Into more pieces than my heart was made of. I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent. I never thought about things at all. Everything changed. The distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me. My thinking. The cancer of never letting go. Is ignorance bliss? I don't know, but it's so painful to think. And tell me, what did thinking ever do for me? To what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it
-JSF

It's the weekend. I'm so happy. I've been looking forward to the weekend since... last weekend. I have to make sure my heart beats as fast as it can, at least once a day. I want intense dreams and terrifying nightmares again. I want to be thrilled by a kiss and heartbroken again. Do something risky, break a bone. I'm restless.
Have a great weekend everyone :)

Today's Entertainment News

• Brittany Murphy's cause of death revealed: pneumonia and iron-deficiency anemia as well as multiple drug intoxication. The drugs in her system were for cramps and over-the-counter medicine including cough syrup
• Frances Reid (from Days Of Our Lives) has died at 95
• James Cameron is already creating plots for two more Avatar films
• George Lucas is considering retooling the Star Wars movies into3D 

Do What Feels Wrong

Our fire alarm went off last night at 3 am. Tiffany and I both slowly trudge out of our rooms, tired and dry-eyed. Tiffany quietly freaking out, and me as usual trying to make a joke out of the situation; saying something about how its probably some dumb girls on the 25th floor who turned their stove on while they were drunk and set fire to all of their mixing bowls filled with chips and party mix (this is what happened at my birthday party. I don't know how the stove turned on, I can't explain it. I didn't even fully understand until the next morning). While I'm laughing and waiting for the alarm to go off, Tiff is delirious and disoriented and my sense of humor is not helping to calm her down. I'm telling her to pack her suitcase with everything she wants to save in the case of a fire.

She's living on about 4 hours of sleep and she's so tired that she's almost crying.
"My shoes... oh, my camera... Oh my god, MY TEXTBOOKS!!!!!"
"Tiffany, insurance will replace those!! Take your pictures! Take your laptop! F$&%!"

"Why is the fire alarm still going off? Why are they repeating the announcements?!"
"They need to make sure everyone hears that they're investigating and it's legit"
"Why wouldn't they be able to hear?"
"I dunno, People are deaf. People wear ear plugs"
"Who wears ear plugs? Oh I guess if their partner snores..."

By this time she's pacing, coming up with reasons why people wear ear plugs, talking to herself about if we should go ahead and evacuate... and I'm about to take out a bottle of wine. "Tiff, go to sleep, I'll wake you up if there's a fire"

Before she goes to bed she's genuinely worried:
"Are you sure insurance would give me money to replace my textbooks!?"
While this may be traumatic for Tiffany in the moment, this fire drill is a good practice for her to be prepared for a real situation. I've thought this out, I know exactly what I'd take: my locket from my grandparents, my autographed pictures of me with Bono, me with Gaga, and my laptop with all my writing in it!

4am. Back in bed. False alarm from the 13th floor.

Today's Entertainment News

• Today is facebook's 6th birthday. Happy birthday Facebook, social interaction will never be the same because of you.
• Did you see Lady Gaga's piano with the arms sticking up out of it that she played at the Grammy's? She paid $470 K for it!!
• Eminem is supposedly back together with Kim, and she's pregnant!
• Rumors of FalloutBoy breaking up
• Julia Roberts to guest star on Glee
• Joe Jonas to guest star on "Brothers and Sisters"
• Sweet song: Mashup of Bad Romance and Steady As She Goes
• Zach Galifianakis (from The Hangover) to host SNL on March 6th
• Fast And The Furious back for a 5th film

Park That Car, Drop That Phone, Sleep On The Floor, Dream About Me...

"I checked out your blog. It really surprised me. You're not as superficial as I expected."

hahahahahaha THANKS! You don't know me at all! :)
WHOA! We hit 4000 hits after just over a month of blogging! Thanks, readers!!
A friend that I haven't talked to since high school got in touch with me the other day. She said she loves to read my blog and shares it with the homeless Edmontonians she works with, who also love it. That's so amazing to hear and I'm very glad my words are reaching out to people I don't even know! So hey, people at "Housing First"!

Did you know Valentines day is on the same day as Chinese New Years?! Which one will I have to choose over the other to celebrate?! Have you thought of any Valentines day ideas since we last talked? Share them with me! I like to hear these things! But seriously, don't stress. If your girl/boy cares too much about how much you spent or how much money is in your wallet, maybe they're not worth it. In my opinion, the best nights are the nights when we can just do nothing at all. Just be creative. Don't even get her flowers. They're just flowers! They'll die anyway! But if you do, don't get her roses. Make her a card. Write something nice in it. Heartfelt. Honest.

I am sort of intrigued by old-fashioned romance. Like back when they used words like "olde" and whatnot. Romantic things in this time were simpler, and easier, and I dare say, more appreciated. Chivalry wasn't dead, and holding a car door was enough to impress a lady. Reciting poetry didn't get laughed at but was instead considered beautiful and important. These days you got these fancy pants romantic comedies where the guy is dead and leaving tapes by mail declaring his undying love and yibbida yabbida. Honestly? How is a guy supposed to compete with dead tape senders? Suddenly holding the door isn't good enough anymore. Suddenly you gotta die but have it pre-arranged so that your best friend will open the door for your wife on the eve of the anniversary you first kissed or some shit. These are the things to keep you up at night.

Today's Entertainment News

• PDiddy is opening up his own Business school in New York. U of Diddy?
• Boston Legal actor, Justin Mentell died in a car crash
• Geoff Lloyd, former bassist of Matthew Good Band died
• Johnny Depp is set to direct a Keith Richards documentary
• If you want to check out what you'd look like if you were from Jersey Shore: http://www.jerzifyyourself.com/

Aw look, The Jonas brothers being mildly funny:

You Are Thinking Of The Things Her Eyes Have In Common With Days Like These

Ice cream doesn't solve every problem. I know that. There are some problems that ice cream is not equipped to solve. The trick is this: You put that problem aside, just for a moment, and you sit down and you have an ice cream.

Love story: Take 1:

Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with Girl. Girl isn't so sure about Boy. Girl breaks up with Boy. Boy is brokenhearted.
Girl, later, finds out that she's pregnant.
Boy is STOKED cause maybe they could get back together?!?!
Girl doesn't think so, and runs away to Europe.
Girl decides 4 months later that maybe Boy isn't so bad and to give it another try, and comes home from Europe.
Boy and Girl move in together and have a sweet baby girl, who they decide to name after a Jamaican musician and has the chubbiest baby cheeks you've ever seen.
Boy and Girl fall madly in love and get married 3 years later.
...And they all lived happily ever after?

You should all get a nice, wet kiss on your cheeks, then go out into the cold, dry air and feel it chill

Today's Entertainment News

• Oscar Nominations came out this morning. Not surprising that Avatar is in the lead with 9 nominations.... by the way, have you seen Avatar 2? Check yesterday's post for the youtube video.
• I TOLD YOU IT WASNT OVER! "Pants on the ground" has been recorded in a studio... without General Larry Platt (the guy who made it up) knowing!!! I smell a lawsuit!
• T-Pain is lending his voice to a musical cartoon for the Cartoon Network.
• Nick Jonas' Solo album "Who I Am" hits the shelves today... surprisingly, I'm not interested in this one.

Being In Love / Being In Denial

"I am doing something I hate for you. This is what it means to be in love."

Readers, how are you today? I know its only been a day since we last talked but I missed you so much! I love this relationship we are carrying on. Its one of the most precious things to me. Thank you for the encouragement, the texts, the emails, the anonymous messages-- except for the anonymous person emailing me about my Mom. I know she's hot, but she's very much taken... by my Dad.
While we're at it, please tell me your thoughts on which parent I resemble more, cause I have never understood:

_______________

I don't have any poetic ramblings on love or life or death or how I want you to be dangerous, but I will tell you that today... I am glowing. I could hardly sleep last night- not a big surprise for me- and I'm looking forward to the future. Although, future is a big word. You can't just throw that shit around. Its inevitable that the future is coming, and whether you like it or not you're going to be there too. Isn't it interesting how the people or things from the past really stick with you for all of your futures? As much as you say "its all in the past" that's only half true, because that's what made your present, which makes your future. Every moment before this one lead to this one.

Its February. A new month is always exciting to me. My music video with The Latency will premiere on Much Music soon. Do you know what else is coming up in the near future? ...Valentines day. Do you celebrate valentines day? Was it just a holiday made up to boost hallmark's revenue? Does it matter? I grew up excited for valentines day and its message of sharing love and showing appreciation. I don't see a point in changing my mind or "hating valentines day" just because I'm single. Really, single ladies? Just cause you don't have a man to put a ring on it, doesn't mean you should hate Vday. Is that a little discriminatory? I don't hate hannukah just because I'm not jewish! Anyway, if you celebrate valentines day, start thinking. You have 2 weeks. V-day is on a Sunday. Maybe celebrate on saturday.

Did you see the Grammy's?! Did you see what Lady Gaga was wearing? Did you see Taylor Swift win her FIRST Grammy?! Did you see Michael Jackson's kids' heartfelt speech? Did you see Beyonce doing an Alanis Morrissette cover?! ---I didn't. Because I was filming another comedy sketch with Comedy Made Short - which is awesome, by the way, and will be posted next week. But I DID youtube Gaga and Elton John's performance. I LOOVE that they sang "Speechless"together. This song does something to me. It's just that one lyric:
"I'll never talk again, oh boy you've left me speechless."
I love that feeling.

Something you may be interested in... Avatar 2?! Seriously!!

(You may recognize the poorly body-painted female avatar on the left)

Also, This past weekend, Tiffany and I de-cluttered our condo.
And by that I mean, I took down all of my disney stuff while Tiffany laughed and video taped it all. Everything. All of it. Gone.
Ladies and Gentleman, this weekend, I became a grown-up.
I know, it's about time.

Entertainment News

• Beyonce made history as she took home 6 GRAMMY's last night.
• Kristen Bell engaged to Dax Shepard 
• Miss Virginia won the Miss. America beauty pageant this weekend
• Rumored love interest between Glee's Cory Monteith and Taylor Swift
• Two of my favorites! Lady Gaga and Bono have joined the lineup to remake “We are the World” today, which will help the earthquake survivors in Haiti. Kanye West, Usher, Jennifer Hudson, and Miley Cyrus are a few of the artists already on board.