-John Maxwell
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I've been going through a whole week of deja vu. Maybe longer, it's hard to tell. I've had a hard time verbalizing my nonsense. My body finally catching up to where my head is at. My physical self meeting with my higher self.
I couldn't put my thoughts together into words. I'd sit here with a blank screen in front of me waiting to be filled. I had so many things to say and feel but didn't know where to start. It was a whirlwind of chaotic feelings and cluttered thoughts. I couldn't pinpoint my deja vu moment. My "whoa" moment. My "Where am I?" and "Who are you?" moment.
I think deja vu says "In this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be." My higher self has gone through big change and shift and release. It's easier for my higher self to get ahead because my physical body has an ego and can easily get caught up in the past or what I may believe I'm not ready to let go of.
I wonder if deja vu means I've literally experienced this moment before in some way or another. Past life. Parallel universe. Or if I've reached this "checkpoint" in my life and now the Universe is providing me this dizzy feeling to reassure me, "you've made it!"
Thursday through Saturday alone could have filled pages and pages with moments and memories and revelations. I had my "whoa"-moment that spanned over the course of the whole weekend. I'm not sure I've processed it enough to write about it, but it's coming.
I'm also trying to pinpoint exactly what happened or what I did for things to move so drastically. Was it just luck or coincidence? -- you know I don't believe in those. Was it my craniosacral therapy just earlier that released a blockage? Was it this statue of Ganesh that was gifted to me? Ganesh is a Hindu deity, the remover of obstacles. My beautiful friend Jadene and I have the same statue and each morning we state the obstacle we're giving up to Ganesh. For five minutes a day, Ganesh reminds me to forget my fears, problems, and pain. And to feel the feelings I want to feel most, for the rest of my life. Perhaps it was leaving the things behind that were no longer serving me. It's been a long time coming. It's been too much resistance. Not knowing when to hold on and when to let go of things that were just okay. But not great. Or amazing. Or incredible. I sat in my car on Thursday night physically shaking with emotion. I'm human. I have an ego. And a temper. And some days I lose it. Make the call, my inner voice said. I don't have time for "just okay". I don't have tolerance for love that is conditional. I don't have energy for anything less than mad, passionate and extraordinary.
I'm not really sure where my feet are planted right now. They're somewhere between this new ground and being swept right off of them. When I am able to regain my thoughts, maybe I'll write about how I made space for new things in my life. Or I'll write about how I learned that the potential in my wildest dreams truly exists. That there are people that will come into your life at exactly the right moment to remind you who you are and how extremely and utterly special that is.
Last night I finished my 40 day prayer journal program. Every night I've been doing these writing exercises and as I crossed the finish line of day 40 I realized that the things I wrote 40 days ago are right in front of me now. I love miracles.
You are now, officially, the person you once dreamed you'd become.
-Mike Dooley
Song of the day: Wanted- Hunter Hayes
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